2020: What a time to be alive...

Rewind back to Jan 1st, 2020, when everyone played on the 2020 theme: The year of the vision. Honestly I was sick and tired of seeing it, and I thought it was a little corny. Fast forward to today, and boy is the joke on me. In the midst of COVID, racial tension, political disarray, and somehow being expected to be productive at work with the same level of efficiency , I think I can speak for (almost) all of us: We are exhausted.

Somehow this has been the shortest, and longest year of my life. As I’m trying this right now on my lunch break, I’m amazed at how much I have been able to learn about myself and others this year. I’m going to attempt to gather my jumbled thoughts into a somewhat organized list. I hope that my reflection and revelation (watch that be a sermon title at someone’s church), inspire you to do some reflection of your own. If COVID hasn’t done anything else, it’s really given me some time to think.

On Religion: Let me first make the disclaimer that I am absolutely a believer in Jesus, and I believe that the Bible is 100% true. With that being said, here is my list

  1. Bad theology has caused our generation to have to learn and unlearn many things. I could honestly write a whole post on this alone, but I’ll leave it here for now.

  2. The last words of a dying church are “We have always done it this way.” While you can’t (and shouldn’t) change The Gospel, the church should make some adaptations in order to reach the new generation.

  3. We can be so judgmental. The best examples of Jesus reaching people involve him literally coming to them where (and as) they are, Never do you see Jesus putting himself above anyone else during His time here on earth. if we truly want to be like Him, maybe lets try that instead?

On loving yourself and others

  1. You cannot pour from an empty vessel. I had to figure this out hard way. I was sick for months ,and doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Many people (including myself now), believe it was due to stress. Take care of yourself first.

  2. You aren’t nice, you just lack boundaries. I’ll take a moment and let you read that again. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was to admit to myself that I was co-dependent. Co-dependent on my friends, co-dependent on my romantic relationships, co-dependent on my family. Having to socially distance and not being able to see my family only made it worse. In other areas, I realized that I would over extend myself for everyone, and I was always disappointed when I felt like that wasn’t reciprocated. (I later learned that sometimes that can also be a symptom of co-dependence.) The word boundaries used to scare me, because I was always the person who wanted to be well liked, and I was afraid that if I put up boundaries, everyone in my life would leave. Well, the reality is, you may lose a few people because of the boundaries you put up, but in the end it’s worth it.

On enjoying the moment

  1. A huge flaw of mine is always looking for the next thing. Someone told me not too long ago that from the outside looking in, it looks like I have it altogether. I chuckled because that’s exactly how I feel about everyone else. I can honestly say that I do not know how to celebrate myself. The excitement of anything that I accomplish wears off in 24 hours. I mean, how can I relax when there is so much to be done? I’ve got goals to reach, and statistically, if you aren’t in a certain position by a certain age, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever get there. I know money and success aren’t everything, but for someone who grew up like I did, it’s a big thing to me. To others it may look like I’ve done a lot, but to me, I’m nowhere near where I want to be. BUT…I’m also learning that it’s ok to just breathe. So that’s what I’m doing.

On other things that I don’t feel like putting into a category 😂

  1. Just because you are a work in progress, that doesn’t mean you are unworthy (of anything.)

  2. This year more than ever has shown us that everyone is fighting a battle we don’t know about. It free to be kind.

  3. Still smile under your mask. Even faking a smile can make you feel better.

  4. You don’t know who is secretly rooting for you. Don’t quit.

I have no idea what 2021 will bring, but I hope we can all go into the new year healthy, and safe, Remember to wash your hands, give everyone 6 feet, and wear a mask.

With love,

CDOG

Things that don't make sense...

Hi friends! We’ve reached the midpoint of yet another week! It’s been a little heavy lately (ok, all year, but who’s counting), so today I’d like to bring a little fun to your day. My mind is usually moving at about 100mph all day, so today’s post is dedicated to the many random things I realized don’t make any sense at all. It’ll be in the form of rotating pictures, because, who doesn’t like those? Sometimes I get a kick out of these, and I hope you do too. Feel free to add your own in the comments, or if you disagree with me, you can say that too!

  1. A Wedge Salad: The biggest scam ever. I mean, how do you even eat it, and why is it $10?!

  2. An iPhone Headphone Adapter: So Apple took away the headphone jack…just to give us an adapter that is now…a headphone jack…right.

  3. Nissan Cube: Y’all know how I feel about this one. Just yuck.

  4. Turn Signal: This was added because it doesn’t make sense that in 2020 people still don’t know how to use it. I hope the visual helps. 😂

  5. Medicines where the side effect is the condition you are trying to treat: Enough said.

  6. The Washington Football Team: I’m embarrassed to even be a fan.

Honorable Mention (not pictured): The Atlanta Falcons: What are y’all doing exactly? 😂

Since We're Being Honest...

Before I begin, I know there is a very fine line between being transparent because you want praise, and being transparent because you know someone else may need the message you’re trying to convey. I try to check my intentions before being extremely transparent (like I will be today), because I know how things can come across. My desire is that this post inspires someone else to be honest with themselves, and have the courage to do the hard work (because it is hard), and be honest with yourself and the things you made need to change.

2020 has been a year (for some). For some it has become a land filled with milk and honey: speaking engagements, proposals, more degrees, more income and the like. And while yes, generally I am happy for the success of others, I slowly watched my clapping hands turn green from envy. I slowly went from thinking “My turn is coming” to “When is it going to be my turn?!”. I checked Facebook, Twitter and Instagram like the morning report, ready to compare my life to the seemingly glistening lives of others, and even though I know that nobody posts their failures, it seemed like I was the only person in the world that was losing… in the moment.

So I decided to take a social media hiatus, and I did…for the first few weeks. Then I found myself slowly creeping back, and I was greeted by even more proposals, degrees, business openings and speaking engagements (s/o to those dumb algorithms). I wanted what everybody else had.

And then I realized that I didn’t want what they had as much as the illusion of what they had. I had to ask myself some hard questions.

Why do I want my IG pictures of be perfectly lit, with a bomb fit (hey rhyme), and my face beat to perfection? Who am I trying to impress? Why do I feel the need to validate my beauty with likes from people that I don’t even speak to on a regular basis?

Why am I comparing my relationship to a probably perfectly staged “candid” photo on IG? Why do I feel the need to have strangers validate my love for someone else?

I had to take Michael Jacksons word and start with the [wo]man, in the mirror, and let me tell you, I didn’t like what I saw. In my head I was a “good” person, I didn’t start drama, I stayed out of people’s business (oh the irony. Can anyone who uses social media super regularly really say that they stay out of anyone’s business?); why couldn’t I have a life like that? When in reality I had turned into a self-righteous, envious person who took every opportunity to feel sorry for herself, detached from people, and self-sabotaged good relationships. I let my past (and current) circumstance get to the very core of who I am, and I decided to stay in that mess. I have learned that sometimes it’s easier to stay broken because you get more attention that way. Think about it, nobody praises those people that seem to always have it together. Its the “rags to riches” stories that garner that most attention. I felt like I’ve been in my “rags” stage forever and I was still waiting for the “riches” to come.

I had become miserable, and I expected everyone around me to be miserable too. What’s that saying? Misery loves company? Well, it’s true. Except I found myself alone because let’s be honest, nobody wants to be around that negativity. I realized that even though I could not control the things that have happened to me growing up, I can control how I heal from them. I owed it to myself to heal. I owed it to my friends to heal. I owed it to my family to heal. A healed person is a happy person. A healed person is a whole person.

So right now I’m doing the hard work. I’m taking responsibility to how I react to the circumstances around me. Sure, I have moments of weakness where I feel like life isn’t fair to me, but I can only control how I react. If you are reading this and have been affected by me during this period of internal conflict, I am deeply sorry. I am aiming to be the best friend, daughter, girlfriend, whatever that I can be, and I know that I will be. I am appreciative to those people who show me more grace than I show myself.

I hope this post encourages someone else to do the hard work that it takes to be a better person. I know in the end it’ll all be worth it.

Love always,

CDOG

To Whom It May Concern:

It’s been 5 months since my last open letter, and I think it’s time for another one. Usually when the first line of a letter is pinned “To Whom It May Concern” it’s because the writer doesn’t have a specific person or they don’t know the name they are writing to. The title is fitting for this because besides me, I am not sure who this letter will touch. I hope that my transparency will help someone during the tough times we are living in.

To Whom It May Concern:

On December 31st, 2019 I was overjoyed. I was in the company of someone I care deeply about, and I just knew that 2020 was going to be my year. I had my goals written out on a dry erase board in my room, and I had a plan. I was finally going to put in the work to be the woman I had wanted to be. My body was banging (thanks to several years of hard work in the gym), my skin had finally cleared up, and I was ready to take on anything.

23 days later a good friend of mine passed away. Between that and the stress at work, I was overcome with grief. But I knew life had to go on, and it did. I had the best Valentines day I have ever had, and I was almost back to normal. Mid-March, COVID finally made its way into our neighborhood. I was grateful to still be employed, but I was going stir crazy at my house. Again, I pulled myself out of a dark place and started working out again. April, another friend and church member of mine passed away. My body went into a literal shock that I’m still recovering from. Over the next few months I lived in the emergency room and urgency care clinics, increasingly frustrated when I was told that everything was normal and all my blood work, MRI’s, and X-rays came out fine. My pain was real, and nobody could see it.

A few months later, the 3rd church member and friend passed. At this point I was exhausted in every way possible. COVID was still at-large, the internet circulated with news of black men being murdered by those that were ordered to “protect and serve”, and work was…well work. And before you ask, yes, prayer and therapy was (and is) happening. Sprinkle in family issues, quarantine weight gain and skin that just refuses to cooperate to treatment, and that was the cherry on top of the emotional overload pie. I was done. Everyday became a struggle; I was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I’ll pause here and say that yes, good things have happened, but a huge cloud seemed to block out every ray of sun trying to squeeze into my life. It seemed as if the rain just wouldn’t stop coming, and I didn’t have an umbrella, or a poncho…or a raincoat.

Fast forward to today, and it’s still a little cloudy. However, I had a conversation yesterday that bought a little sun and wisdom. Here is what I got out of it:

  1. Let it go, let it go. The things that have happened to you may not be your fault, but healing is indeed your responsibility. You owe it to yourself to heal.

  2. No relationship (friendship or otherwise) can replace professional help. It’s not anyone’s responsibility to be your emotional dumping ground.

  3. Getting help doesn’t make you weak or stupid. Recognizing that you need a third party makes you courageous and emotionally intelligent. Plenty of people know they need help and refuse.

  4. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. if you don’t like yourself, you won’t believe it.

  5. You are not alone. Even if people don’t admit it, this year has been hard for others too.

  6. God hears your prayers.

  7. Just breathe.

It’s not over yet.

Love always.

CDOG

The Butterfly Effect: The Larvae

It took me a while to write (and re-write) this week’s poem. I debated if I should even share it, but here I am typing, and hopefully in a few minutes you’ll be reading.

The next developmental stage of a butterfly is called the larvae stage. The larva stage of the butterfly's life cycle is a time for growth. The larva, also known as a caterpillar, spends its time eating and growing. As the caterpillar grows it splits its skin and sheds about 4 or 5 times.

With that in mind, here is this weeks untitled poem:

“Ouch, that hurts 

Each time a layer falls off I get lighter

But I am more exposed

My prey;

Insecurity, fear, perfectionism, and doubt 

They lurk in the tall grass 

Waiting to pounce on my tender skin 

Sometimes they hit their target 

Ouch, that hurts 

Then I grow a new layer and the process begins again 

How many layers do I have to shed?

Every time I seem to get rid of one, a new one forms in it’s place

And I am once again warmed by the cocoon of comfort

It’s heavy, but it’s familiar 

I am getting too big for it, I am cramped 

My skin is chaffed and cracked from the harsh winds of life 

Despite all of this, it seems that I have grown a little

I watch the old layers twist and turn down the road, like tumbleweed 

I hear this isn’t the end though

And I smile”

Love always,

CDOG

The Butterfly Effect: The Egg

Who else gets confused with “effect” vs “affect?”

Don’t judge me, but before I wrote this, I had to refresh my memory on the correct one to use. 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, back in June I wrote about butterflies and, this interesting and beautiful insect has been on my mind ever since. I’ve been writing a series of poems about the different stages that they go through before emerging as the elegant insects they are. And I’m finally ready to share them with you all.

All butterflies start out as eggs, which can be as small as the head of a pin. It’s so small you probably wouldn’t notice it with your naked eye (unless you were looking really hard.) However, out of that egg comes something wonderful…in time. This week’s poems play on that idea, but you may interpret them however you like.

“It is cramped, it is dark, it is damp
40 weeks of stretching, splitting, more stretching
I am tired, but I hear there is life on the outside
I am ready, but I am scared”
“A crack, a bright light enters the sanctuary
My sanctuary
It’s been dark for so long, and now the cocoon called comfort has been broken
It’s too bright
I am damp from the placenta of purpose
My limbs feel like blocks with the weight of stagnancy
I think i’m not ready to emerge yet
I’ll go back inside, quickly
”
Tiny right? Good thing it doesn’t stay that way for long.

Tiny right? Good thing it doesn’t stay that way for long.

Stay tuned for next week!

Love always,

CDOG

How an inappropriate response gave me hope...

It’s 10:00pm, and I just made it back home from a quick run to the local 24-hour CVS. I haven’t had much reason to dress up lately, so I had on a tie-dye Vibestreet Studios and an old pair of grey (is it gray, or grey?) Nike sweats. I grabbed some cereal, edge control gel, and a huge bottle of Evian (probably the best water I’ve ever tasted.) The cashier rang me up and I wondered how my total was almost $20 for 3 items. Anyway, I swiped my card, was given my receipt and the cashier said “You have a goodnight!” , to which I replied “You’re welcome.”

I walked out feeling like this:

So Embarrassing GIF - BFV ToniBraxton Braxton - Discover & Share GIFs.gif

I got in my car asking myself why I manage to be so awkward, and silently thanking the cashier in my head for not reacting to my misplaced comment. Maybe she didn’t even hear it. I suddenly thought about Moses, and how I feel like maybe we’re related in some way, because the Bible mentions that he also had issues with his speech…and then I felt hopeful for the first time in months. Here is why:

In case you don’t know who Moses is, here is a quick synopsis:

  • Israel is in bondage (slavery) for quite sometime.

  • Despite this, the people were multiplying in numbers, and the King got nervous that one day there would be an uprising, so he ordered that all the male children be killed.

  • His mother put him in a basket and sent him down the river (with his sister keeping watch nearby), and he ended up at Pharaohs house.

  • He was raised as an Egyptian, but he knew he was Hebrew, and witnessed the abuse of his people.

  • He killed an Egyptian and fled.

  • Some time passes, and God gives him his assignment to free Israel by way of a burning bush.

  • Cue Prince of Egypt music…He leads the people of out Egypt, through the Red Sea, and paves the way for anew generation.

The point here is that Moses was called to his purpose during a tough time in his peoples history, and he went on to do great things, regardless of whatever shortcomings he felt he had. I am encouraged that God can do the same great things in you and me, despite the time period we are living in. I would like to think that God will still allow us to have some of our best days to come. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to eat some of that cereal…

We got this,

Love always,

CDOG



What this "New Normal" has taught me...

Hi friends. I know it’s been about a month since I’ve written, but I hope today’s post will make up for that.

COVID hit in March. It’s August, and frankly, I’m getting tired. I’ve had plenty of time to think (maybe too much time), and I’ve come up with a list of some of the greatest things I’m learning during this time. These are in no particular order, and they may not even correlate, but hey, that’s how my brain works sometimes.

  1. Change is inevitable (and needed): I don’t do well with change. I’m a routine based person for the most part. (Now this isn’t to say I can’t adapt to change, because after a while I recognize that it’s important to switch things up). I like to know what I’m doing, when I’m doing it, how I’m doing it, etc. I like to plan for the future. If anything changes how I see things happening in my head, it frustrates me. Imagine how I felt when I had planned out my 2020, and was finally getting into the grove of things, and a virus hit. It shattered (and still is continuing) to shatter my world. It’s changed the way we do everything. Who would have thought that we’d be walking around in masks all the time? What a time to be alive. However, I also realized that some of these changes are actually good. Restaurants are finally sanitizing and cleaning the way they should have been all along, folks are cleaning their hands more regularly, and it’s really exposed just how under prepared we were as a nation for a public health emergency. Maybe now that field will get some of the respect it deserves.

  2. Take a break. I’ve been saying since this started that I need to take a break, and I plan on doing that very soon. There is a lot of information out in the media right now, and it’s so important to filter what you take in. I like to be informed, but it can be overwhelming. Find the balance of staying informed and not taking so much in that you become anxious.

  3. Self-reflection is hard. Again, I’ve had too much time to think. I am my biggest critic, and I am very harsh on myself. It’s one thing to take accountability for your actions, but it’s another to let that mistake keep living in your head. So yes, own up to your stuff, but take the lesson and then let it go, or whatever Elsa said.

  4. No man is an island. When I’m going through something, I isolate. You can’t handle anything alone, so stop doing it. I understand not wanting to “put your issues on anyone”, but that’s what true friends and true community are for. Let those people be there for you, and vice versa.

  5. It’s OK to admit that you are not OK. Make no mistake, this is not a normal time that we are living in, and it’s OK to let yourself feel. Let it out.

  6. This will pass. Read it over and over. Get it in your mind, Believe it.

We got this.

Love always,

CDOG

Big Baller Brand Part 2: #BlackOutDay 2020

It’s time for another #BlackOutTuesday, where it’s our duty to only shop with black business and brands. (Imagine if we did this everyday anyway). Before I go ahead and give some more of my favorites, I would just like to address two of the most common reasons I hear about why we don’t support our own.

  1. Bad customer service - I hate this excuse. I’m sure you’ve had bad customer service at Macy’s, Whole Foods, Sprouts, or wherever else you shop. Everyone has bad days.

  2. High prices - Sure, some things may be a little higher. Guess what else is high? That Kate Spade bag you’ve been eyeing for months. Cut it out.

Basically, whatever excuse you have, you can find the same issues in white owned establishments. I’m not trying to bully anyone into supporting black business, i’m just pointing out that the reasons we here so much for the lack of support are sort of…bogus.

Anyway, let’s get to what you really came for; the list. These are in no particular order of preference. (Ehh ok, so I lied. I’m only going to tackle food today. Birmingham has some fantastic black owned food spots, and I love to eat.)

  1. Encore Rouge Food Truck : Move over Popeyes! (Ok, so I actually haven’t tried the chicken sandwich 😅…) They have the BEST fried chicken sandwich I have ever tasted. If you don’t believe me, go see them and the line speaks for itself. I haven’t seen one dish that I didn’t want to drool over. Go check them out on your lunch break or for dinner, you won’t be disappointed.

  2. Gabriella’s Bistro: They don’t have an Instagram, but I learned about this place through word of mouth, as I’m sure most others have. It’s located in the 4th Ave District, and it’s some of the best soul food I’ve put in my mouth. There is limited seating inside, but you can also sit outside. You may want to have a designated driver, you’ll definitely be taking that after church nap after eating this. Oh, and it’s only open on Sundays.

  3. K & J’s Elegant Pastries : I’ve only been once, but that sweet potato cheesecake was good enough to warrant another drive to alabaster. If you don’t feel like driving that far, you can usually find them right beside the Encore Rouge Truck. Be sure to check their Instagram just to be sure. Make sure to bring a dose of insulin with you though…have you seen their shakes?!

  4. Edolyn’s Pies : Have you ever had a brownie pie? Well, after trying one from this sweet spot (you get it? Sweet…spot) you’ll be craving one all the time. Located in the Pizitz Food Hall, this cute shop carries mini pies and whole pies. The sweet potato pie is fantastic, but again, that brownie pie.

  5. Granny’s FIsh n Grits : Do I even need to say anything? If you haven’t tried it, try it today. Try it now. No, really. Go try it now. The portion sizes are big enough for two people to share. It’s amazing.

  6. Wings Around the Clock: I may be biased because I know the owner, but these are fantastic. I judge wing spots on the quality of their ranch dressing, and let me tell you, this is the best ranch I’ve ever had. There may be a little bit of a wait, but that’s because your food is being fried up fresh. It’s worth it. It’s located right past the Shelby building on University Blvd. Go and tell them I sent you.

  7. Ashley’s Famous Cookies: Listen. That lemon crack cookie?! Chile. If you aren’t located in Birmingham, she ships nationwide!

  8. Jake’s Soul Food Cafe: Jerk Chicken, Jerk Shrimp, and a sweet potato casserole that’ll make you slap somebody are just some of the fantastic things on the menu. Just don’t make the same mistake I did and go on a Monday, because they aren’t open.

  9. The Veggie: This vegan spot is located in Huntsville and shes famous for her meal prep, but I’m here to tell you about the cinnamon rolls. (Hold on while I take a praise break). They are just that good. She ships nationwide. I’m not vegan, but i’ll gladly eat these any day of the week. My favorite combo is the sweet potato pecan. (Wipe the drool from your mouth, I see you). 😂

This is just a tip of the iceberg of the great black-owned food spots available in Birmingham. Let’s support our own. In the end, nobody should have our back like we do.

Love always,

CDOG

Let's Talk about Butterflies...

Today we’re going to talk about butterflies. Beautiful, majestic, intriguing, light, airy, almost fairy-tale like.

Except they don’t start out that way.

I’m going to take you on a little ride. It’s called metamorphosis. It’s a Greek word that means transformation or change in shape. The four stages of metamorphosis of butterflies are: egg, larva, pupa and adult. There are huge differences between larval and adult forms, and it requires so much energy, that it is simply not possible to go through a complete morphological and anatomical change in one sitting. You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this, but just hang tight with me, I promise you’ll see at the end.

Lets begin.

  • The Egg Stage: Eggs are laid on plants by the female butterfly, can be laid in any season (except winter), and can be very small.

  • The Larva Stage: Sometimes this is also called the feeding stage. The job of the caterpillar here is to eat, and eat, and eat. As the caterpillar grows it can shed its skin up to 5 times. The food eaten at this time is stored and used later as an adult.

  • Pupa: The Transition Stage: When the caterpillar is is full grown and stop eating, it becomes a pupa. They hang upside down on trees or branches and they engulf themselves in a substance that looks like a cocoon. This stage can last from a few weeks, a month or even longer. Some species have a pupal stage that lasts for up to 2 years. Now ,it may look like nothing is happening but big changes are happening inside.

  • The Adult Stage: This is the stage that most people think of when they see a butterfly. Except when they are ready to hatch it doesn’t look pretty at all. The cocoon breaks open and lots of gooey fluid spills out. In fact, it may look like the emerging butterfly is dying. The struggle out of the cocoon is the most important part of the process here. The fluid has to drain out or else the wings won’t be dry enough for it to fly.

So now that you’ve probably learned more than you’ve wanted to know about butterflies, what does this have to do with anything?! The metamorphosis of a butterfly is a lot like the metamorphosis some of us are going through. Some of us may be in our egg stage, where we feel small, inexperienced, inferior. Maybe you’re in the larva stage, where you’ve had to shed some toxic ideas, friendships, relationships, You’re tired of change. But just like the caterpillar, the ideas and lessons you learn here are stored and used later as an adult (adult here just means after the transformation is complete). Or better yet, you’re in the pupa stage, and it feels like you’ve been stuck here forever. Nothing is happening. You take 3 steps forward and 10 steps back. You’re tired. Except just like the butterfly, there are many things happening behind the scenes that you can’t see. People are watching your journey and cheering you on. You’ve finally reached the adult stage, you’ve decided to launch that business, start that podcast. clothing line, blog, consulting business, write that book. You’ve decided to jump. It’s time to break out of the cocoon. But wait, you’re drowning, things aren’t going as you planned! People aren’t supporting you like they said they would. Your podcast hasn’t gotten any listens, your book hasn’t sold, nobody as stepped foot in your new boutique. I thought I had arrived! I’m going to do a copy + paste from a paragraph above: The struggle out of the cocoon is the most important part of the process here. In a butterfly, the struggle is what makes the wings beautiful. Just like in you.

I told you you’d get it at the end. Butterflies are extremely beautiful creatures, but they start out looking less than desirable. They shed skin. They sit in a cocoon, sometimes for up to two years, and they struggle to get out. But in the end it’s all worth it.

So they next time you feel less than desirable, feel like nothing is happening, are struggling, just remember the butterfly. You, just like it, will emerge more beautiful (or handsome, for the fellas), powerful, radiant, and majestic than ever.

animated illustration, animated gif, gif illustration, gif animation, gif, animated portrait, editorial animation, editorial gif,

Love always,

CDOG





It's my birthday! Here's what I've learned...

It’s my birthday today! But first, I have a confession to make. I was knocked out when the clock hit midnight. 😅 Now, I’m not knocking on the door to 30 just yet, but I’m definitely walking up to it. God has been incredibly gracious to me, and despite the rough start to this year, I am excited for what’s to come. So, since I’m turning 27, I’m going to try my best to make a list of 27 things I’ve learned. Hopefully some of these resonate with you.

  1. Black Lives Matter (Of course this isn’t something I’ve learned, I already knew this, but I had to work this in here).

  2. Black Lives Matter

  3. Black Lives Matter

  4. Nobody can do what you do, like you do.

  5. You are made in God’s image, and it’s beautiful.

  6. At the same token, it’s not all about you. Don’t take things so personally.

  7. Don’t let the world make your heart hard. Don’t stop loving.

  8. Stop being cheap. 😪

  9. Take the leap. You may fall, but you may also fly higher than you thought.

  10. Believe people when they say great things about you. They mean it.

  11. Just be real. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is expecting you to be.

  12. Don’t put anyone on a pedestal. (See #11).

  13. To have friends, you must be a friend.

  14. Prayer works, but so does therapy. It’s ok to get help.

  15. You’d be surprised at who’s watching you. You have supporters that you don’t even know about.

  16. As fabulous as you are, you aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea; and that’s ok!

  17. Who cares about the people that decide to leave your life? Yes, it hurts, but those that are meant to be there will be there.

  18. Celebrate yourself. You deserve it.

  19. Your flaws don’t make you undeserving of love and respect. Everyone has them.

  20. Whew, this is a filler because I’m running out of things to say?

  21. Ok, I’m back. (Another filler) 😂

  22. I just discovered how to insert emojis and i’m elated. Last filler, I promise.

  23. You are capable of way more than you think. Stop being afraid of success.

  24. Allow yourself to feel. Nobody likes a robot.

  25. Tears are not a sign of weakness.

  26. Keep your head up. Make eye contact. Practice firm handshakes. Confidence is everything.

  27. Just be you.

It’s going to be interesting celebrating a birthday during a pandemic, but I’m excited for what the rest of the day holds. Be safe, and remember to wash your hands.

You know you love me. xoxo Gossip Gi…Oh wait, wrong show. 😂

Love always,

CDOG

When the fullness of time had come...

What a time to be alive. It’s only June (almost). I thought long and hard about how to put the myriad of thoughts in my head into some kind of coherent format for reading. As much as I wanted this to be a well written and formatted think-piece, this may just turn into one very long list of my thoughts. Hopefully by the end of this you have figured out the meaning of the title.

  1. Let’s just start by saying that I am exhausted, and the tone of this will reflect that. I am not apologetic.

  2. I will not give our peers with less melanin kudos for [finally] doing what is right. Please, do not point out that “every such and such” are not the issue. Just like every black man/woman isn’t a threat but y’all keep killing us anyway. Save it. Yes, this is a race issue.

  3. I thought pro- life meant protection of all life? crickets

  4. There is a right side. This is not the time to ride the fence. I do not believe that you can be passionate about something and not speak out on it. I am not however, regulating the time at which you do so, however, if that time doesn’t come, you may want to check yourself.

  5. Pay attention to how your places of worship handle whats going on right now. It may be time for some of you to seek new leadership. I’d be very interested at what these influencer churches that only seem to discuss relationships have to say right now.

  6. Read the Old Testament. Yes, God is a God of love, peace, and all that jazz. However, He is also a God of justice. Lets go back to the account of Moses. God sent some pretty horrible plagues, and wiped out the entire Egyptian army when they tried to go after the Hebrews after the parting of the Red Sea.

  7. Regardless of my feelings for Kayne, he said it best “Even if you in a Benz, you still a [redacted] in a coupe.”

  8. Fire is catching. You can either run with it, or be burned by it.

  9. 1619, the first slaves were brought over to Jamestown. It’s now 2020, about 400 years (give a year) from the event. Sorta mirrors the 400 years that the Hebrews were in captivity. Coincidence? Maybe. One of my favorite lines in the Bible is “…when the fullness of time had come.” It refers to the moment when God would redeem mankind. I’d like to think of this as that time for race relations. The fullness of time has come. It is here.

So, what can you do?

  1. Check yourself. If you’ve got biases, it’s time to fix those. Check your friends, check your family. Again, no fence riding.

  2. Be careful Let’s face it, COVID hasn’t gone anywhere, so if you’re going into the field make sure you’re prepared.

  3. Donate to reputable foundations. Send money for bail funds. It’s time to put our money where our mouth is.

  4. SHOP BLACK. Now isn’t the time to bring up excuses about high prices, customer service, or whatever else. If I remember correctly Chipotle gave y’all E. Coli and 2 weeks later everybody was back. If you need a place to start, here is a fantastic list of black businesses (and if you have one you can add it there as well.)

  5. Use your voice. It’s free.

  6. Read the room. Y’all know what that means.

  7. The Bible tells us to watch as well as pray. Be vigilant. But do something.

Let me end this by saying I in no way consider myself an expert on race relations, and I certainly hope I don’t come off this way. I am however a tired black woman who refuses to let the fear of losing friends, associates, or whoever keep me from speaking up and doing what is right. We are literally living in history, and I’d like to be able to tell my offspring I was on the right side of the fence.

A dime sized amount of conditioner...and other lies we tell

Now that I have your attention…if you are a naturalista (did I spell that right)?, then you know why the title of this post is funny, and true. Let me explain. If you look on the back of almost any conditioner bottle the instructions will read “apply a dime sized amount of conditioner, leave on for x amount of minutes and rinse off.” A dime sized amount?! Do you know how small that is? Of course you do. Is that enough to cover an entire head of curly, natural hair? Of course it’s not.

So what’s the point? The point is, companies are lying when they imply that a dime sized amount of conditioner is enough for your hair, and speaking of lies, we’re going to talk about the lies we tell ourselves. Since COVID hit, I’ve been more anxious than normal, and i’m sure several of you all have as well. I’ve had more time to look on social media, more time to scrutinize over my insecurities, more time to compare myself…basically more time to do all the things I shouldn’t be doing. I’ve been lying to myself a lot lately; believing that society will never return to “normal”, saying that I need to lose/gain weight (it really depends on the day), I’m not pretty enough, my hair isn’t long enough, I don’t have enough money…etc. Do you see how this can be dangerous? If you keep repeating those things, eventually they will stick, and will become your truth.

Now, unfortunately I can’t keep companies from mislabeling how much conditioner we actually need for our hair, but I can tell you how you can stop mislabeling yourself.

  1. Recognize that you’re doing it. The first step to unlearning a behavior is to identify it. It may sound easy, but if you’re a person that’s been doing this for a while, it can be tough to even notice that you’re doing it.

  2. Realize that it’s not true. If you have to, tell yourself aloud that those thoughts are false.

  3. Replace that thought with a positive one. Moves and countermoves.

  4. Don’t beat yourself up. Trust me on this one. It only makes you feel worse.

It’s not easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but you got this. I believe in you.

And remember, the next time you’re tempted to lie to yourself:

Discover & share this This Is Us GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Love always,

CDOG



If the Nissan Cube can succeed, anything is possible...

Hi friends! It’s Friday, and guess what, we’ve got a 3 day weekend coming up! (Although everyday feels weekend…ish, I’m happy to have a day where I’m not obligated to log onto my computer). While thinking about the subject of this week’s post, I had a weird thought: Maybe I should stop writing altogether. Everyone has a blog these days, the market is oversaturated anyway. Maybe people won’t want to read about what I have to say anyway. Sound familiar? Have you said these words to yourself before? Well, let’s pause here and look at a little photo gallery.

Let’s go through them shall we?

  1. The Nissan Cube. I mean, what is that? Honestly, it’s probably the worst car designs I’ve ever seen. If you disagree, I am so sorry. (Not really).

  2. The Big Mouth Billy Bass. If you’ve never seen one, it’s a creepy talking fish that mounts on your wall.

  3. The Furby. I can’t believe I ever wanted one of these. You can tickle it, play music for it, and it speaks. Imagine having this and seeing those eyes looking at you in the middle of the night. That’s a no for me dawg.

  4. The Pet Rock. Do I even need to say anything else? (It made $15 million…) Anyone want to get this one poppin’ again? We can go outside and collect some rocks right now…

What do all of these things have in common? As silly as they may seem to us, these products made millions of dollars, although I am happy to say that I haven’t seen a Nissan Cube on the road in quite awhile. What I’m trying to say is that if these products can get on the market and do very well, what in the world is stopping you? So what, everyone has a blog, or a YouTube channel, or a podcast, or a clothing line, or whatever it is. Earlier this week when I was having doubts about this blog, I had to remind myself that nobody does what I do like me. I have my own unique writing style; my own voice. The same goes for you. Nobody can be you. Nobody can write, or do a makeup tutorial, or talk about music the way you do.

it’s ok to have a little anxiety about when releasing a new project. It’s also ok to realize what you put out may not be for everyone. As you can see, the aforementioned products clearly weren’t my cup of tea, but plenty of people disagreed with me. (Seriously though, that Nissan Cube is hideous). Anyway, my point is, if the Nissan Cube can do well, so can you! So get started on that thing you’ve been putting off, you never know who’s looking for it.

Stay Thirsty my friends…ooops, wrong project. (Did you get the joke?…never mind)

Love always,

CDOG

Quarantine Lessons

I’m a list person. I love lists. I love writing lists, and even more so, crossing things off of them. It allows me to quantify the things I’ve done in a day, and it makes me feel like I’m being productive. Am i tricking myself into productivity? Maybe.

Well today I’m going to give you all a list of all the things I’ve learned about myself and others during this quarantine period. It may or may not be long ( I know I said my last post would be long, and I was wrong, so I won’t make any promises this time. So let’s get into it.

  1. Maybe I like people a little more than I thought. For the most part, I’ve only left the house for essential runs, and I miss EVERYONE. I miss hugging my friends and family, I miss eating out at restaurants, I miss going in to work (gasp). I just miss it all. Once I’m able to hug people again, I just may not let go.

  2. I’m an excellent dog mom. Translation: I spoil Lola rotten. I found myself tucking her in and I realized maybe I had gone too far. But I mean, who can say no to this face?

picture+2.jpg

3. It’s ok to not be ok. Many of us are still struggling with adapting to this “new normal”, and it’s ok. It’s also ok to get help if you feel it’s necessary.

4. I may have been using the gym as a coping mechanism, and now that I don’t feel it’s safe to go, I’m suffering, both physically and mentally. However, I’ve discovered that I like painting, and in fact, I’m going to paint as soon as I hit publish on this post. Physically, I’m losing muscle mass, and it may be vain, but I was enjoying the progress I was seeing as a result of working out regularly. Of course I know I can replicate these results, but I’m asking kindly if you all would stop buying up all the dumbbells. Please. :)

5. Time is an illusion? Everything seems to be moving fast, yet slow. Does that make sense?

6. I’m always going to be a “lazy natural”. During this time I vowed that I would learn new hairstyles, perfect a wash and go, and deep condition my hair more. I’m sad to say that I haven’t done any of these things. My hair has been in a slicked back bun 90% of the time. I’ll try to do better?

7. I’m learning things that trigger emotions in me that I still need to deal with. For me this means limiting news, and only reading from reputable sources, limiting my time on social media, and not allowing myself to wallow when those feelings do come.

8. I’m pretty cute without makeup , so I may wear less of it. It took a long time for me to get to this point. I will however need my eyebrows done soon, because it’s not looking good over here.

9. I literally cannot be long winded, because I’m already done with this list. Shocker. I really wanted to get to 10.

What have you learned about yourself during this quarantine? Feel free to let me know in the comments section!

Love always,

CDOG

Something about Haikus...

Hi friends. It looks like we’ve made it to the end of another short but long…ish workweek. You know what I mean right? Honestly all of my days seem to run together now. I’ve been working from home since Mid-March, and its been a weird blur. The irony of today’s post is that it will be one of the longest I've written, yet it deals with one of the shortest styles of poetry; the humble haiku. (How’s that for some alliteration?!) Anyway, a haiku is a Japanese poem that only contains 3 lines and 17 syllables. The first and third lines contain 5 syllables each, and the middle line has seven syllables. Typically these poems use nature as an influence, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way to be effective. I’m the queen of keeping things short and sweet (just ask my boss when I’m leading Zoom meetings), and I've recently found myself writing my thoughts down in this style. Its so interesting how so few words can pack such a huge punch. Not to toot my own horn (too much), but I think I've gotten pretty good at these, so I wanted to share one with you, as well as the meaning behind it. Usually these poems don’t have titles, so this one doesn’t either.

Beauty from ashes

Why destruction first, always?

Makes the soil fertile

If you’re re-reading this to figure out what it means, I gotcha. I decided to use nature as my reference, and honestly, I was thinking about a scene in the Lion King where Simba defeats Scar and it starts raining. It washes all the ashes away and new plants begin to grow where the ashes were. Ashes are full of nutrients, which of course we know helps plants to grow. For me, this pandemic seems to keep spreading, sort of like a fire. It seems like it’s going to be awhile before it fully leaves us. However, I’ve come to realize that this may be a good time to cultivate other things in your life, and we can indeed have good things come out of this. So yes, it may be hot, uncomfortable, scary, or all of the above for you, and you may be wandering in the smoke screen that is this time period. But remember, a fire eventually dies out, and the nutrients left behind in the ashes can create something wonderful.

Ha. Even when I tried to be long-winded I can’t.

Love always,

CDOG

BBB (Big Baller Brand): Black Business Edition

Can you believe it’s May already? April came and went, but also stayed awhile, if that makes any sense. I think we’re going on week 7 or 8 of being inside?

One of the things I really miss is going to physical storefronts. Sure, I do my essential grocery shopping, but I’m talking about those little stores and shops that are the cornerstones of our communities. Well, even though we can’t physically be there, we can still support and that’s what today’s post is all about!

I’ve gathered some of my favorite black brands and businesses, and I’m giving you all the details! I promise there is something for everyone, whether you need a podcast to listen to, a new skincare line, a good book to read, or someone that can take a dope picture of you, I’ve got it all! So take some time on your lunch break or after work and shop! We’re all in this together.

Love always,

CDOG

Photography/ Media

thebbmedia ( IG: thebbmedia)

Vibe Street Studios (IG: vibestreetstudios)

DawnG Media (IG: dawngmedia)

Podcasts

The Sit Down w/ Brenks (IG: thesitdownwbrenks)

The Architects Podcast (IG: thearchitectspodcast)

Taken Outta Context Podcast (IG: takenouttacontextpodcast)

The Kickback (IG: tkbpodcast)

The Food Truck Scholar (IG: thefoodtruckscholar)

Consulting

KGT Communication (IG: kgtcommunication)

Pure Life Consulting (IG: purelifeconsultingllc)

Crowned Enterprises (IG: crownedenterprises)

Skin/Hair/Face

Temple Skin + Body (IG: templeskinandbody)

A naturaleza’s apothecary (IG: naturalezasapothecary)

Authors/ Artists

Beth, the Artist (IG: bdhenry)

Keiani Taylor (IG: queenkeiani)

Non Profits

Urban Impact Birmingham (IG: urbanimpactbirmingham)

Elevators on 4th (IG: elevators_on_4th)

Sober Culture (IG: soberculture)

The Regenerate Society (IG: thisisrsociety)

Film

Soul Glow Productions (IG: soulglowproductions)

Jewelry

Jollof Boutique (IG: jollofboutique)

Food / Drink

TasTea Wellness Blends (IG: tasteadrinkwell)









 



 













 



































































Sometimes the grass isn’t greener…it’s just fake

Alright I’ll fess up. I’ve been spending way too much time on social media lately. We all know for the most part we don’t share the bad things that happen to us on IG or Twitter, so it’s easy to think that even in this time most of us have it together.

Then I had to take a step back and look at my own social media presence. Aside from this blog, I’m not sure if anyone would know that I’m not adjusting to this new normal so gracefully. To some, my grass is in fantastic condition. It’s plush, green, and well watered. Am I faking it? Putting on a front for Facebook? Maybe. (I also believe there is a thin line between transparency and spilling too much of your business online).

So thinking about this, why would I expect others to spill the darkest parts about themselves during this time when I’m not even doing it? Why compare myself to others when I know that social media is the “highlight reel”? You never see a player approach a scout with a DVD of his or her worse plays! Of course we only want the best showcased. So with that being said, I want you to read the title of this blog again…and then again. The next time you’re tempted to compare yourself, remember, all you see is the highlights.

Love always,

CDOG