It is what it is...
Before I continue, let me just say that the topics I touch on may be triggering, and if so, I apologize. Please feel free to click away now, I promise I won’t be offended.
How many of these phrases have you either heard someone say, or have even said to yourself? All of them? Exactly, that’s what I thought. Many of us grew up with the attitude that our traumatic experiences are just “something that happens in our culture”, we should be grateful that we made it out, or that it’s just something to make us “stronger”, it’s a test from God, etc. So, what do we do to cope? We tell ourselves, “it is what it is” and keep moving.
We grew up hearing our parents and grandparents saying it. We grew up in churches that told us to pray our worries away, or that we should just e grateful that we’re alive and “blessed and highly favored.” And while yes, I whole hardheartedly believe in the power of prayer, I also believe in being real with yourself and others. And, therapy.
In light of all that’s going on right now, I’ve seen that it’s more important than ever for us to face the trauma that has happened to us. So, in the spirit of transparency, i’ll start.
“Sitting on my chest
Ouch, no air, can’t breathe
Is this discipline?
Candace fell again?
Explains the face scar, she said.
She was hit, again
Bell rings; three fifteen
Gotta get outside, hurry up
more scars tomorrow
Upturned mouth
A smile, a great deflection
It’s really raining”
Long story short, I was physically abused for 7 years by a step-parent. I shrugged it off for several reasons; it happened while I was a kid, so I should be over it by now, I didn’t want anyone to take pity on me, I didn’t want to come off like i’m a victim, I didn’t want to be judged, everyone has their own issues, I didn’t want to be a burden, maybe it was my fault this happened to me, it is what is is, other children have gone through worse things…do you see where this leads? I was silent for years (even while it was happening), and now i’m dealing with the consequences as an adult. At my big age, I’m still dealing with the events of my childhood. The good news is that I’m getting the help I need, and I have supportive family and friends during this process. But sometimes I still find myself saying “it is what it is”.
We’ve all been through things. We are all going through things. But that doesn’t invalidate your story. It’s yours to tell. Or not, if you choose. Stop trying to invalidate yourself. If you don’t get it out, it’ll eat you from within. Trust me.
I hope this post encourages you (if you choose), to let yourself feel. Let yourself heal. Be kind to yourself.
Love always (especially in these times),
CDOG