Even if you don't recieve it back...Do it anyway

Words. Words. Words. They mean so much to me. Sometimes I cling too much to them, overanalyzing, studying the tone in which I received them, trying to figure out if I’ve missed anything, listening to see if the same thing I’m giving out is returned to me. I’m very careful with the things I say, because I know the power words can have.

When I'm talking to the people I care about, I’d like to think I use words that paint the picture of how much I love and appreciate them, and naturally, I expect like that same energy in their response…right?

Here’s the thing. Sometimes, you won’t get that back.

And that's ok.

Trust me, I’ve had my share of rejection, and I know if hurts. It hurts badly. But, you owe it to yourself to never hold back your feelings just because of how someone may react. You owe it to yourself to love people wholeheartedly, unconditionally. Sure, some people won’t accept it, but that's on them! The good news is that everyone won’t reject you!

Love, even if you don’t receive it back. Do it anyway. You owe it to yourself.

An Open Self-Love Letter

If you could give your younger self some advice, what would it be?

This week has been rough and it’s only Wednesday.  So instead of baking cookies (sigh), I decided my waistline and my heart could use a little self love. (I actually may bake some anyway…) Hopefully some of this resonates with you as well.

First of all, I know life has been a little rough lately. Actually, life is usually a little rough. I know you’re tired. I know you’re fighting things many people have no idea about. But guess what? You put a smile on your face and manage to do the same for others. You are strong, even when you don’t feel like it. I am proud of you.

Give yourself more credit- You have accomplished so much, and you aren’t even 30 yet! Take some time to celebrate the things you have accomplished. Sure, you may not be exactly where you want to be, but you have done so much. Believe that. Know that. Celebrate that. Looking for the next “thing” will have you forgetting all the fabulous things you’ve done already. 

Don’t take things so personally- Guess what girl? It’s not all about you! Sometimes things have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person.

Choose those that choose you- Everyone isn’t going to love you. Tough, but true. No matter how nice you are, there will still be those that don’t care for you. BUT, there are tons of people who love and care for you. Focus on those people. Nurture those relationships. People want to love you. Let them.

Believe in yourself just as much as you believe in others- One great thing about you is that you can see the great potential in others, but most of the time, you leave yourself out. Stop. If you want people to believe in you, you’ve got to believe in yourself. You got it girl!

Love the skin you’re in- Gosh, you are beautiful. Your awkwardness works for you. You have beautiful eyes, and a smile that can light up a room. You hear it all the time. Believe it.  Nobody is perfect, and your flaws are what make you…well, you.

There is room for everyone to win- There is no reason to be intimidated of other beautiful, successful women because you are one of them! You are not broken, you are not damaged. You are amazing, intelligent, ambitious, and you will win.

You can do this. Your life has purpose, it has meaning. Get out of your own way, and go be great.

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Whew. I hope you took a few gems from that. I may or may not have shed a few tears writing it. I’m rooting for you.

Love always,

CDOG

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Breathe...

I just clocked out of work (well, telework), put some brownies in the oven, and took a deep breath. (Do you know what best part about baking brownies? It’s licking the spoon. And the bowl.)

If I had just a dollar for every heavy sigh since COVID-19, I would have enough to pay my electric bill for this month. Anxiety is the name of the game at this point. My routine has been broken, and if you know me, that alone is enough to make me anxious. Couple that with the fact that social isolation could last longer than I’d like, and sometimes I wake up with a few tears in my eyes. I know I'm not alone, which is probably the only reason I'm being this open about how I am feeling right now.

Yesterday I started to write a list of all the things that make me anxious, but instead, I wrote a list of the things I was grateful for. Instead of writing in my journal, I’m going to share that list with you all. So, here it goes:

1. Those brownies in the oven.

2. Friends and family that are healthy.

3. A safe environment where I am able to work from home.

4. My dog, who listens to my external dialogue while I'm working. (And also begs for attention)

5. A freezer and fridge full of food.

6. Toilet paper and paper towels (I never thought I'd say that)

7. I am healthy.

8. Virtual counseling sessions

9. The sun shining right now. (if you’re in Birmingham you know we’ve been getting rain for 40 days and 40 nights)

10. The promotion I just received.

In addition to writing down the things I'm grateful for, I’ve been cooking, texting and calling family and friends, and uh…watching the Avengers. (Hey, those are great movies!)

The next time you feel fearful, anxious, etc., go ahead and feel that emotion. It’s normal. Know that you aren’t alone. However, don’t stay in that emotion. It may be difficult, but let’s try to find the small silver linings everyday during this difficult time.

It looks like those brownies I kept talking about are done, and they are calling me!

What are some things you are doing to help combat anxiety during this time? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

Love always,

CDOG

Let's get real...

What a long year the last few months have been. I was going to start this off with a cliché about how everything is going to be fine (which, I do believe by the way), but let’s just get real for a few minutes. This COVID-19 is serious. I, like many others are wondering how everything is going to turn out once this is all over. I’m worried about my family, my friends, the economy, all of it. It’s ok to acknowledge those feelings, and you definitely aren’t alone. I am especially worried about small business and how they will be impacted by this pandemic. I asked a question about how we can still support them while still practicing social distancing, and here are a few responses that I got:

1. “Utilize the call in and pick-up”

2. Order UberEats from your favorite family owned restaurants”

3. Order Delivery if available”

4. Get gift cards ( I especially like this suggestion, because of course you can use these anytime)

I also know that a lot of places are offering a “no-contact” delivery, curbside pickup, and other things. I urge you (if you feel comfortable) to continue to support your local businesses as much as possible. They are the cornerstones of our communities, and we need them.

Ok, so now that I took a few minutes to acknowledge my anxiety, here are the things I am grateful for:

1.  A job where I am able to work remotely.

   1. (Tangent): Speaking of working remotely, here are some things I’m doing to keep myself on schedule:

      1. Go to bed and wake up at my usual times

      2. Make a to-do list for the day

      3. Stick to your normal eating schedule. Don’t eat out of boredom.

      4. Work without distractions. For me this means no TV.

      5. Take small breaks after completing tasks.

2. A safe place to sleep, and food, and running water.

3. My spoiled canine that acts like a child. (Granted that part is my fault, but still)

4. The time to work on my business, do a little more spring cleaning, and refocus.

There is so much more I could type, but the point is, I encourage you to take some time to reflect during this time of social distancing. If you are a creative, it’s also a good time to get started on those projects you’ve been putting off.

In closing, let’s remember to check on each other (over the phone please), listen to the experts on how to handle this, wash your hands (this goes without saying), and keep being productive. We WILL make it out.

Love always,

CDOG

Try a little tenderness...

FYI: This post is very short, but I hope it helps.

Today is Valentines Day, and whether you have someone special or not, you can always “try a little tenderness”…to yourself.

Anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that I am my biggest critic. I am more harsh on myself than I am on anyone else, and unfortunately it’s taken it’s toll on me. In the light of accomplishments I always find something that I could have done better. Sometimes that’s a good thing. More often than not, it’s destructive. Sound familiar? I thought so.

This Valentines Day (and everyday), I challenge you to love on yourself. Write down 5 things you like about yourself. Speak them out loud. (So here’s a little story: I used to watch Being Mary Jane, and the main character would write things on sticky notes and put them on her mirror. I adopted that strategy, except all it left me with was stains from the tape on my mirror. Yuck. They have been removed, and I write things in the notes section of my phone instead!) My point is, speak life over yourself. Be kind and gracious, because the world is not.

Happy Valentines Day!

CDOG

First Things First...

So, if you’ve come to this site I’m assuming it’s because you heard or saw the lovely book pictured above either in someone’s hands, or on my Facebook or Twitter account. If you’ve read it, then you know that fear is, unfortunately a subject I know too much about. I still struggle with it. I’m typing this very post fearful that it may never be read by anyone.

But anyway, enough about that. If you’ve followed my writing journey (if I dare to call it that), you know that I used to have another blog that sort of fizzled out. Now of course many of the topics will be about fear and overcoming it (hence the title of the book), but you can also expect to read about all the other random things that I think about.

I know I had a brief bio on the home page, but it is definitely incomplete, so here are some interesting facts about me:

1. I love food. I’ll try almost anything except chitterlings. (Don’t try and change my mind).

2. I wrote this book because I was tired of being afraid of everything.

3. Writing is an outlet for me. Unfortunately I don’t have the best speaking voice. I call it the Moses syndrome.

4. I strongly dislike people that drive without using turn signals.

5. I am the funniest person I know. (I really am)

6. I have a slight lisp when I talk, and it only seems to be noticeable when I’m in an important meeting. Go figure.

7. I’m 5’8, but still one of the shortest people in my family. I’m still trying to let that hurt go.

8. Tacos. (That’s self explanatory right?)

9. My initials spell CDOG.

10. I don’t drink soda. I hate the bubbles…

11. Burgundy is my favorite color, even though I don’t actually have many items that are burgundy.

12. I still have an iPhone 6s, and I will until it literally shuts down on me. (Does that make me cheap?)

13. I’m running out of things to write…

I think we’ve covered all the bases!

(I’m still trying to come up with a clever exit line to end these posts…)

Until next time,

CDOG

The Illusion of Fear

So, I realized this post probably should have been the first one I published, because ultimately it describes my book and the inspiration behind it. (Oops).

Unfortunately, like many black and brown women I grew up with some childhood trauma, and I’m still trying to heal from it. That’s where the idea for this book came from. I’m sure everyone has watched or heard of Cinderella, and while I wasn’t tasked with cleaning the house from top to bottom, or serving a duo of stepsiblings, I did have what I called an “evil stepmother”. Me and my brother sometimes would go to school and other places with visible scars and bruises on our faces. This happened for 7 years. Needless to say I had fear instilled in me from an early age.

As I grew older, I realized just how much growing up that way influenced the way I saw myself and others. I knew I couldn’t be the only person that was struggling in this area, and this book was born. In this book I reveal some of the raw spots within myself, and hopefully it can help you to face some of those giants within yourself as well.

If that sounds interesting to you, you can grab a copy by clicking the button above! Please feel free to leave me a review and let me know what you think.

Love always,

CDOG