Dear Younger Me...
If you could give your younger self some advice, what would it be?
I’ve seen this question posed several times in the last few months, and as my 28th birthday approaches, it’s caused me to do some self reflection. I’ve written about it time and time again, but I suffer from FOAMO (Fear of already missing out. Yes, I just made that acronym up.) I’ve been told several times that from the outside looking in, I have it all together. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I am constantly thinking about the decisions that I’ve made, and how I could possibly be in a better place in life if I had made better decisions. I’m not discounting where I am now, but if I’m being honest, I’m not necessarily happy either. Yes, I get “trusting the journey”, but in this moment, I’m not sure that I believe that I’m “exactly where I am supposed to be.”
Looking back, there are 10 things that I’d like to tell my younger (and current) self. Hopefully in 10 years, I won’t be still trying to learn the same lessons, and I can look back and see how far I’ve come, instead of seeing how far I have to go.
Just do it. This is number one because it it my biggest regret, even as I am typing right now. I am always waiting for the “perfect moment”, to do everything, and I have wasted years with this mindset. I’m not discounting planning, but I am saying that when you have an idea, act on it now. That could mean making a plan to execute it, or just jumping right in. Whatever it is, do it. Do it now.
You can’t make everyone happy. If you know me even just a little bit, you can tell that I shy away from conflict and confrontation. I’ve always seen myself as someone who can get along with most people, and it eats me up inside when I feel like someone is upset with me. I used to think of that as a good character trait, but now I see that it is unhealthy. The truth is, no matter how kind or nice you are, there will be times where you hurt or disappoint someone, and people will find a way to criticize what you do. Plus, trying to please everyone is just plain exhausting. Work on making yourself happy, and it will attract the right kind of people.
Go to therapy. Growing up with a parent with mental health issues, I was always scared of therapy because I didn’t want to be labeled as “crazy.” The irony in that statement is that not getting the help that you need turns out to be what makes you that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting the help you want/need.
Stop apologizing. This goes back to trying to make everyone happy and avoiding confrontation. I apologize for everything. At this point, it’s become such a habit that it comes out way more than it should.
Learn to do things on your own. I am always searching for the community that I feel like I never had growing up. I am acquainted with many people, but I spend a lot of time by myself. It’s not always fun, but sometimes it’s like that.
Adjust your expectations. I have expectations for just about every situation and everyone. I also find my self disappointed more often than not, because many times my expectations aren’t met. Life isn’t black and white, so I’m learning to adjust my expectations to account for those “gray” areas.
Let it out, and let it go. Once in a while you just need a good cry. However, holding all that stuff in will do way more harm than good. Get it out, and then let it go. Life moves on.
“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” If you have ever been on a plane, then you’ve definitely heard this before. You can’t help anyone else until you make sure you are good first. Nobody can pour from an empty cup.
Nothing happens immediately. When I first started lifting weights, I thought I would see drastic results in a few weeks. I was wrong. It’s so easy to look on social media and see the success of your peers and forget that most of the time, it look many hours of sweat equity.
You aren’t too old. Yet. As long as you are breathing, you have another chance to get it right. Some of the most successful people didn’t get their big break until later in life. It’s easier said than done, but it truly isn’t over. Yet.
Just keep breathing. You got this.
Love always,
CDOG