No, Jesus is Not Enough for Me.
If you somehow got past the title of this post, I hope you end up making it to the end. I know every quarter I manage to type out the words “This may be my most transparent post yet”, but this may actually be that. Growing up in church I would hear phrases like “Jesus is all I need” or “Jesus is enough for me”, usually women who have been apart of the singles ministry as long as I had been alive. There was always the sting of bitterness in their voice though. So they were smiling, but they really looked like this:
To be honest, I bought into that propaganda for a long time. I pushed away both romantic and platonic connections because “All I needed was God, and he fulfills all my needs.”
Fast forward 15 years, and now I could really see that these women were in fact saying that Jesus was not all that they needed. While I recognize that it is both dangerous and impossible to find complete fulfillment in other people, even God realized that humans need community and companionship.
I can feel some of the saints getting hot, so let me stop here and bring out a few scriptures as reference:
Two things can be true. I can recognize that while God may need to be the origin of my happiness, even He recognized that it can get lonely on this earth. (see #2, 3, 4)
Genesis 2:18 -The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”.
Psalm 133:1 - How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
John 13: 34- “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another.”
At 29, I finally admitted to myself that Jesus isn’t enough for me.
Huh?
That’s right. I’m saying what a lot of young women and men who grew up in church are thinking. I also grew up hearing that those who try to serve God will probably live a life lonelier than most. I’m probably a poster child for this. I am nowhere near perfect, but what I can say is that I really do try my best to do what is right based on the faith I claim to follow. Except I’m kind of tired of doing that. I’m tired of all the rules, and the convictions. I just want to live life. Still confused? I’ll give a scenario from exactly 16 hours ago.
Even before COVID I wasn’t big on going out, but I’ve been even more cautious, so last night was a big deal. I looked rather dashing if I say so myself. I had more than my share of drinks however (again, another rare thing), and I was really “feeling myself” (Do the kids still say that?). I had a fantastic time…until I got home. I pulled into my complex, parked the car, and sobbed. I felt convicted, about everything. Technically I broke all the “rules” I had been taught to follow. Let’s go through them shall we:
I had on clothes that would garner more than a few side eyes from the church mothers that sit in the front row.
I had a few (7) drinks. Yeah, I know.
My thoughts were not holy in any shape or form. (Hey, I’m just being honest)
I got home and felt so bad for just “living”, that I cried. And I cried hard. There must be a balance between “Jesus is all I need” and living life as a young person with fleshly needs and desires. I don’t know what it is, but I’m determined to find it. I’m tired of being alone and “set apart”. This world is literally falling apart right before our eyes, and I’d like to live a little before it all crumbles.
Before I end, I just want to emphasize again that two things can be true. I can acknowledge that God should be the first source of happiness and contentment, while also having normal feelings of loneliness, and being tired of the Christian “red tape”. I just wish the church was better at addressing these two issues. So, while I’m trying to get there, at the moment, Jesus alone is not enough for me, and I’m not sure He’s meant to be.