I told God "You got it bruh"
Hi friends. It’s been an interesting year so far, and I took a little break from most social media to try to de-clutter my mind. I must say, my life has been so peaceful without Twitter, and I may leave it that way for awhile. (Update: Twitter is too funny to delete so I reactivated it.) Needless to say, all of the time I spent on social media was replaced by uh…worrying.
The other day I was riding in my car and I blurted out “God, I’m done. You got it bruh. Just do whatever you’re going to do and give me the strength to deal with it.” After I said that I felt about 5 lbs. lighter, and I’m not kidding. There is so much [redacted] going on in the world, and in my life, and ya girl is exhausted. It’s hard to discuss things like this because for some reason, despite me chronicling my frustrations about the trajectory of my life on this platform this is what I constantly hear:
“You seem to have it all together!”
This is my reaction every time I hear that:
My brain usually is like a high powered computer that has too many tabs open, and you know what happens to computer speeds after awhile; they slow down. That’s how I found myself, and I was tired of it. Besides just being uncomfortable, worrying and chronic stress has been proven to be a cause of several illnesses. Long story short, I was tired of being tired, so I just decided to let go (ok, I’m trying to let go) of several things:
Stressing about my current income and career trajectory: This one was hard for me, because I have several regrets and at this point I have an executive level of experience (without the pay). Frustrated is an understatement, but I’ve taken accountability for my role in it, and am making strides to get to where I desire to be. However, if anyone has 10k they’d like to swing my way I’ll gladly accept it. 😂
Stressing about finishing my degree “late”, and trying for a PhD “late”: I am blessed to be surrounded by high achievers and very ambitious people. With that being said, it can be hard to see peers have full PhDs at this point, and I’m just rounding the corner to finishing my Masters Degree. I’m learning to be where my feet are and realize that I’m probably where I’m supposed to be anyway.
Stressing about homeownership: This one I’m still working through, partially because it’s always been stressed to be that owning a home was one of the milestones of adulthood. Every so often I get on Zillow and look at condos I can’t afford, and then get frustrated that at this point in my life I still can’t buy one yet.
Stressing about romantic relationships: I’ll keep this one brief, because I feel like I’ve already aired out my grievances here. I will say this, as one of the only single friends left of any of my friend groups, it can be a little challenging.
All that being said, I’m only controlling the things that I can, and doing my best to not worry about the rest. I hope this encourages you to do the same. It’s not over yet.
Love always,
CDOG