Community Ties

Hello friends! I can’t believe we are already halfway through June. I hope this year has been good to you so far. (If not, that’s ok too, because I truly believe that no rainy season lasts forever.) There has been a huge push for mental health awareness and reform lately, and it has made me think about the supportive communities that hopefully we have in those times where we may not be feeling the best. I am fortunate to have a pretty great community (built brick by brick), but I can recognize that some of us aren’t as fortunate.

A few days before my 30th birthday, I had a get-together with members of said community, and it made me reflect (that is so on brand for me; reflecting in the midst of something fun) on how my definition and accessibility to my community has changed over the years. In previous years, I thought of community as the people, places and things directly in my vicinity. During my undergraduate years at UAB, we had a wonderful student hub, affectionately known as the HUC (Hill Student Center). I didn’t even need to text my friends to see where they were, because after classes everyone would congregate there. It was a fabulous atmosphere. At the time, that was my community, and it was easy because we were all accessible. (Honorable mention was Mervyn Sterne Library, better known as “Club Sterne”.)

Time passed, people transferred to other universities, lived off-campus, or even got married and moved away. The community that was so easy to see was starting to discipate, and I wasn’t sure if I liked that. Imagine actually having to pick up the phone to make plans. Yuck. (Totally kidding) It made me take a real look at my friendships, and some of them unfortunately were only there because of our proximity to each other.

After graduation, my community seemed to shrink drastically. We had all drifted off into “real adulthood”, many of my peers got into serious relationships, which turned into marriages, or dove deep into our careers, and it left little time for those spontaneous get-togethers. And while yes, it may seem like a “duh” moment, for me it was jarring because everyone was always readily accessible. We traded “Club Sterne” and the HUC for group text messages and “yeah, we should definitely meet for lunch!”. (Guess what, sometimes life got in the way and that lunch never happened 😂.) The mundane tasks of life quickly became the norm, and it was easy to lose sight of the people that have always been accessible to me and I took that for granted.

Fast forward to my (almost) 30th birthday celebration, being surrounded by my community (both old and new), I realized that community is what you make it. It’s not about the length of time that you have known someone, but about the efforts they have made, and the impact they have had on my life. Yes, we may not see each other nearly as much as we would like, but when it matters, we show up. Making time for the people who are important to me, and vice versa is what community is all about. It takes intentional time and effort, and in our “grind” culture, many of us aren’t willing to devote that kind of energy to something that isn’t paying up tangible dividends. As busy as we all are, sometimes it only takes a “Hey, thinking about you” text or message to let someone know you care.

That’s community. I’m so grateful for mine, and I hope you choose to cultivate and nurture yours as well.

Love always,

CDOG