Ask for It.

Hello friends! I am typing this in awe of just how quickly both June and July have flown by. I am also saddened by the fact that rent is almost due…again. 😂

Over the last 6-8 months I have really taken time to do an inventory of my relationships (platonic, romantic, family, you name it), and I have come to the conclusion that I have rarely been fulfilled in any of them. Now, before anyone jumps me, I’d like to point out that this is entirely…my fault. This isn’t to say that I do not enjoy them, because I do, and they are wonderful individuals. But (and this is a huge BUT), I am realizing that I always feel like something is missing, and it’s because I never truly set clear expectations and voice what I want from them.

As with most things that surface in (my) adult life, it stems from growing up with a physically abusive step-parent. Unfortunately, I was beaten for simple things, so it didn’t create an environment conducive to making requests, and I grew up on constant fear that if I didn’t say or do the right thing, the consequences were quite literally painful, and visible. So, I stayed quiet. It left me with the sense that asking for things meant I was difficult, and even though as an adult the threat of being hit is no longer there, that attitude remained with me, and I adopted the internal theme of “I don’t need much.” or “I’ll make do with what I’m given.” Needless to say this earned me the bare minimum in many relationships (of all kinds), and I took it because “At least they did something.”

I was in my car (as I usually am when revelations strike), that I had become extremely resentful of people who seemed to be “living their best life”. What were they doing that I wasn’t doing? I stay in my lane, I don’t bother anyone, I try to do the right thing…what was missing? Well, I was silent. I had set the expectation that I didn’t need anything from anyone, anything, or any situation, so guess what I got? Nothing. I didn’t ask my friends to hang out because I didn’t want to bother them. I didn’t tell my friends when I was going through something until much later because I didn’t want to burden them. I didn’t set clear expectations in romantic relationships because I didn’t want them to run away. I didn’t want to be the cause of any discomfort for anyone, and all it led to was constant disappointment and discomfort for me. Everybody else was fine. 😂

And guess whose fault it was? Mine! My friends didn’t know that I needed a little extra support from them? How would they? I have come to learn that the person who asks for little will receive even less.

So now, I ask for everything. Even if the answer is “no”. Asking doesn’t make you a burden, or difficult, and maybe, just maybe you’ll get everything you dream of.

Ask for it.

Love always,

CDOG