Something about timing...
Hello friends! It’s a crisp 68 degrees, and it’s time for all the wonderful things that fall brings (no, I’m not a rapper). Fall has become one of my favorite seasons, maybe because it reminds me that everything changes, whether we want it to our not. It’s a true time of transition; leaves turn a bounty of colors, flower buds dry up, animals begin to migrate for the winter season. In some ways this seems to mirror my life as well, since I seem to be shedding layers of my old self in preparation of whatever is to come (although if it wants to come a little quicker, I’d welcome it).
If you know me even a little, then you know that my initials spell CDOG. It’s usually at the end of every blog post, and incorporated in some way into my social media handles. As proud as I am of my full name now, as a kid I felt embarrassed by one of my middle names: Ogechi. It sounded weird, and when I found out what I meant, I wasn’t really pleased either. Ogechi is a name usually given to girls and derived from the Igbo words “oge” (meaning time) and “chi” (meaning God).
Essentially it means “God’s timing is best”.
Now you would think I’d be excited that I have a name that deals with divine timing. Wrong. Ya girl here is a little impatient, especially when it seems that I’ve been praying, working toward, and waiting for certain things for most of my adult life. It’s hard y’all. I am a person that likes things in a certain way, and needless to say, my life hasn’t gone in any of those directions, and I can’t necessarily say that I’m pleased with the outcome so far.
So, how do I reconcile with those thoughts?
Practicing gratitude. It sounds cliché’, but even as I’m writing this I’m lamenting about the timing of my life and how it’s not exactly what I want. But in the same breath, I’m also audibly saying things that I’m grateful for. It doesn’t matter how small it is.
Laughing at the irony between how I feel and the name I was given at birth. I am of the belief that names hold power, and my life is certainly a testimony to the power of my name. It may seem that I’m a late bloomer, but maybe it just isn’t my time yet. I am hopeful that when it is, the work and the wait will be worth it.
Embrace what I feel. Part of the reason I don’t have social media outside of IG anymore is because it’s fake. Even if you look at my current IG page you would never know I carry deep feelings of resentment almost daily. We only show the good parts. Part of this blog’s purpose is to show some of the parts that don’t make the feed. So yes, I feel it all. Envy, regret, anger, and frustration.
Have hope. I’m still breathing, so it’s not over yet.
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you.
Stay encouraged, y’all.
Love always,
CDOG